Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Bob_Janke's best tweets

@Bob_Janke : [second date]

Me: so... is this your first police chase?

@Bob_Janke: This job fair has fewer giant turkey legs and sword fights than I thought it would

@Bob_Janke: They call me The Cat because of my hunting skills, my lightning fast reflexes, and because I run into the basement when I see the vacuum cleaner.

@Bob_Janke: Wear a sombrero to the next wedding you're invited too. Long after they're divorced they'll talk about the guy in the sombrero.

@Bob_Janke: I don't know what upsets me more, the fact that that guy stole my tweet or that he only got 2 retweets off of it

@Bob_Janke: It's true I hear voices in my head but they speak Russian so I have absolutely no idea what they're saying

@Bob_Janke: Give me the nuclear codes. No one would expect me to have them

@Bob_Janke: If you send me game requests on Facebook I'll visit an adult bookstore and tag you as being with me.

@Bob_Janke: The government shut down. Monkey knife fights in my backyard in one hour BYOB