Dried up sea monkeys taste nothing like chicken. Related: Never ever put your kids seamonkey packets near your cup o’noodles packets. Ever.
That awkward moment when you are introduced to someone and you have no idea if that person is their child or their spouse.
Next update: Twitter will tell you what the retweeter is feeling as they retweet your retweet. And what they had for breakfast.
I thought I had life all sorted out, and then the wind blew.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit’s door.
My plan to disappoint everyone I’ve ever known is exceeding my expectations.
I’m on Twitter because my brother got a chemistry set for christmas when he was little and I got plaid pants.