Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of Book_Krazy's best tweets

@Book_Krazy : Sure sex is great but have you ever turned off the news?

@Book_Krazy: [Doctors appt]

Me: *getting weighed in the hall* this is so embarrassing. You really should put the scale in the patient’s room.

Doctor: well most people don’t get naked.

@Book_Krazy: I think Twitter is affecting my eyesight. I'm having difficulty seeing the laundry pile up

@Book_Krazy: After a stressful day of holiday shopping, I like to soak away my cares in a relaxing bath.

Mall Security: Ma'am, get out of the fountain.

@Book_Krazy: It's all fun and games until a metal flask falls out of your car in the church parking lot.

@Book_Krazy: [on my deathbed]

Me: Where...*cough* where is your father?

Kids: *crying by my side* being consoled by your girlfriends.

Me: I'M UP!!!

@Book_Krazy: No thanks treadmills. If I want to reach my target heart rate, I'll just have a panic attack.

@Book_Krazy: [War Museum]

Cop: Ma'am, you called about some stolen torpedoes?

Me: Actually I said Doritos

Cop: *walks away


@Book_Krazy: [1st date]

Him: We share perfect chemistry!

Me: *but all I hear is the word "share" as I create a fortress around my nachos with my hands*

@Book_Krazy: *A guide to 1st dates*

Thanks for coming over.
Let me give you the tour.
This is my bedroom.
The top drawer is yours.
Where are you going?