Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of Book_Krazy's best tweets

@Book_Krazy : Sure sex is great but have you ever turned off the news?

@Book_Krazy: [Doctors appt]

Me: *getting weighed in the hall* this is so embarrassing. You really should put the scale in the patient’s room.

Doctor: well most people don’t get naked.

@Book_Krazy: I think Twitter is affecting my eyesight. I'm having difficulty seeing the laundry pile up

@Book_Krazy: After a stressful day of holiday shopping, I like to soak away my cares in a relaxing bath.

Mall Security: Ma'am, get out of the fountain.

@Book_Krazy: It's all fun and games until a metal flask falls out of your car in the church parking lot.

@Book_Krazy: [on my deathbed]

Me: Where...*cough* where is your father?

Kids: *crying by my side* being consoled by your girlfriends.

Me: I'M UP!!!

@Book_Krazy: No thanks treadmills. If I want to reach my target heart rate, I'll just have a panic attack.

@Book_Krazy: [War Museum]

Cop: Ma'am, you called about some stolen torpedoes?

Me: Actually I said Doritos

Cop: *walks away

Me: THEY WERE COOL RANCH

@Book_Krazy: [1st date]

Him: We share perfect chemistry!

Me: *but all I hear is the word "share" as I create a fortress around my nachos with my hands*

@Book_Krazy: *A guide to 1st dates*

Thanks for coming over.
Let me give you the tour.
This is my bedroom.
The top drawer is yours.
Where are you going?