@Book_Krazy Sure sex is great but have you ever turned off the news?
@Book_Krazy 
@Book_Krazy [Doctors appt]
Me: *getting weighed in the hall* this is so embarrassing. You really should put the scale in the patient’s room.
Doctor: well most people don’t get naked.
@Book_Krazy I think Twitter is affecting my eyesight. I’m having difficulty seeing the laundry pile up
@Book_Krazy After a stressful day of holiday shopping, I like to soak away my cares in a relaxing bath.
Mall Security: Ma’am, get out of the fountain.
@Book_Krazy It’s all fun and games until a metal flask falls out of your car in the church parking lot.
@Book_Krazy [on my deathbed]
Me: Where…*cough* where is your father?
Kids: *crying by my side* being consoled by your girlfriends.
Me: I’M UP!!!
@Book_Krazy No thanks treadmills. If I want to reach my target heart rate, I’ll just have a panic attack.
@Book_Krazy [War Museum]
Cop: Ma’am, you called about some stolen torpedoes?
Me: Actually I said Doritos
Cop: *walks away
Me: THEY WERE COOL RANCH
@Book_Krazy [1st date]
Him: We share perfect chemistry!
Me: *but all I hear is the word “share” as I create a fortress around my nachos with my hands*
@Book_Krazy *A guide to 1st dates*
Thanks for coming over.
Let me give you the tour.
This is my bedroom.
The top drawer is yours.
Where are you going?