@BoomBoomBetty

•stay calm
•don’t run away
•don’t turn your back
•don’t make loud noises

-how to handle a mountain lion encounter and also how to react when your teenager, unprompted, sits down and talks to you

@BoomBoomBetty

*needs a hug
*taps car brakes a little too hard so the seatbelt locks up

Nice.

@BoomBoomBetty

The neighbors set off fireworks at 2:45 AM so I decided to leaf blow the entire street in front of their house at 6:00 AM.

@BoomBoomBetty

My she-ro of the day is the project lead who turned on her camera during today’s group Skype meeting.

@BoomBoomBetty

Uber, but for someone coming to your house and opening jars when you’re mad at your spouse.

@BoomBoomBetty

I hope your TARDIS cookie jars often disappear from your kitchen counters. When they reappear they have a new variety of cookie in them and you just accept it because it seems like a good time for a new cookie.

@BoomBoomBetty

[twirls in a dress made of knives]

Oh, this old thing? Just something I put on and wield against innocent bystanders every 28 to 31 days.

@BoomBoomBetty

Me: Do that thing I like

Him: [panics because I’m very inconsistent]

@BoomBoomBetty

Goodnight moon.
Goodnight room.
Goodnight sanctimonious people arguing on the internet

@BoomBoomBetty

I convinced my spouse we needed more “security” but mostly I wanted a video doorbell on our backdoor so I could watch live streams of our dogs all day.