If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.
You Might Also Like
“Let’s run the bell commercial we’ve been playing for the past 17 years and take the month of December off” – The Hershey Kisses Marketing Team
Going to one of those speed dating events, and every time a guy sits down in front of me, simply open a box of pizza to see if we are toppings compatible.
*Tries new coffee with 300% more caffeine*
“It’s okay. Can’t feel a difference.”
[5 minutes later]
*Throws refrigerator out window*
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
This was the Moment when twitter decided to double the Size of its Application.
chore hatred level:
considering becoming a raw food vegan and drinking straight from the garden hose to avoid doing dishes
I think she is an organ harvester 🤔🤔 #tinder #tinderindia
Red Cross: A blood donation is the best gift you can give to someone.
[Christmas morning]
Kids: [all screaming while opening presents]
ME EVREY MORNIG: nonono no noNO no NONO NO!!!
ME EVREY NIGHT: u know wat wil make my morning amazing?! setting my favorite song as my alarm
My neighbour said I’m not allowed to feed the baby raccoons living in their shed. I wonder if they’d prefer left over chicken to sandwiches
[being murdered]
Me: hey Alexa, how about a little mood music over here
Husband confiscated my credit card last week. The news just said that Amazon stock is down.
THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT.
‘I choose my underwear based on how likely I am to have sex. Today, I’m wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway’
I’m never a more ineffective parent than when I accidentally make threats that rhyme.
I changed my relationship status to “I’m sharpening my knives” on Facebook so my boyfriend’s family will never come visit
Stop giving me dirty looks, lady. I wasn’t flirting with your husband. I was looking at his nachos.
Mom texted that she’s enjoying a no tech day, and I think it may be time to explain some things to her.
Eating chocolate pudding from a diaper is a good way to get a whole row to yourself at the cinema.
[Origins…]
BRUCE WAYNE: Did you make all the “Badman” equipment like I told you…the Badmobile, the Badcopter etc?
ALFRED: Yeah…wait, what?
*presses wheelchair accessible button*
*rolls 5 year old in on dolly restrained like Hannibal Lector*
“We’re here for a haircut.”
yeah jesus turned water to wine, but yankee doodle turning a feather in a hat to macaroni is next level
How does my kids bathroom always look like a crime scene where someone was murdered with toothpaste
*orders large pizza*
*opens box*
“Let’s do this…wait”
“Safety first,” I whisper as I unbutton my jeans.
church choir: faatherr, sonn, aand hoolyy g-
[the ghostbusters barge in]
church choir, nervously: -oooats
[ghostbusters slowly back out]
I’ve known my dog for 11 years but she still eats like I’m going to steal it from her
Doctors just told me I have “stripper lung” from inhaling too much brass polish & if I go back to “JIGGLERS” again I’ll die.
12: Dad, why haven’t we ever eaten at Applebee’s?
Me: Because I love you.
I asked Mom how she’d like me to honor her when the time came.
She replied, “What makes you think I’m going out first?”