@BrassBallsCJ

I’m pretty disappointed that an unknown Uncle hasn’t left me a haunted mansion and millions of dollars by now.

@BrassBallsCJ

In my will, when I die…

To my ex husbands, I have left a shovel and a buried treasure in the Catskills. One of you already has the map.

@BrassBallsCJ

Haunted houses are great but have you ever had a deer clear your hood at 55 mph?

@BrassBallsCJ

Holy crap! This coin looks old as hell!

*checks the date*

It’s 15 years younger than me.

@BrassBallsCJ

6: What are you making? It smells terrible!

Me: *literally just boiling water*

@BrassBallsCJ

Most of my upper body strength comes from trying to push a grocery cart through the store with 3 kids hanging on it.

@BrassBallsCJ

Someone want to tell my kids that the color of the bowl has NO EFFECT ON THE FLAVOR OF THE FOOD!!

@BrassBallsCJ

At 2am, nothing creeps me out more than the shadowy silhouette of my 3 year old.

@BrassBallsCJ

All these girls tweeting about going braless & I’m just over here on my back trying not to look like I have 2 bald guys in a headlock.