@Bratterina

Simmer down with all the cheating bro, its a relationship not an Algebra exam.

@Bratterina

A 4 year old told me her mom went swimming in the ocean and a baby went into her ear and now its in her tummy and honestly sharks are now the least of my worries.

@Bratterina

I dont mind splitting a bill on a date but if you ask me to work out the math part of it, then just get out my life buddy. I dont math for nobody.

@Bratterina

*leaves a trail of banana peels so you slip and fall …..

In love with me, HAHA SUCKAH.

@Bratterina

My neighbors are fighting so I’m playing sad love songs really loud for them to set the tone, everyone deserves background music.

@Bratterina

*makes eye contact
*slowly pulls a banana out my bag
*and another one
*and another one
*and another one
*and another one
*breaks eye contact
*looks in my bag if there’s any more banana’s.
*makes eye contact again
*slowly pulls out another banana

@Bratterina

A gang of pigs that do martial arts and go around the city fighting crime, call themselves “The Pork Chops”

Don’t steal my idea.

@Bratterina

-If you say orange really slowly it sounds like gullible.

Me: pfffffft

*walks around corner*

Me: (whispers) orrrrrrrraaaaannnnngggge

@Bratterina

*puts on cloak of invisibility, whooshes past ex, flipping him off

“Jenna, that’s a hoodie, I can see you”

*makes a ghost voice: NoOoOoOo