@BrownDogBlanket

Funny how people freak out over tiny spiders, but pull a giant one out of the ocean and everyone’s all let’s rip it’s legs off and dip ‘em in butter.

@BrownDogBlanket

On Sundays, tweet random things like “that’s not a touchdown” and “ref you suck” to confuse football fans about which game you’re watching.

@BrownDogBlanket

*gets saltwater fish tank

*fills it with plastic bags, soda bottles and garbage

staring intently from couch: Ahhhhh, the ocean

@BrownDogBlanket

Just once, I’d love to see a post game interview where the losing team blames Satan.

@BrownDogBlanket

I watched Neil deGrasse Tyson talk about Milky Ways for an hour and I still have no idea what nougat is.

@BrownDogBlanket

Test your friendship today by liking and retweeting all the replies to a friend, but not their original tweet.

@BrownDogBlanket

People think I’m a good listener because I am quiet when they’re talking, but really I’m just thinking of how I can create a diversion and run away.