Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of BruceForce's best tweets

@BruceForce : Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount

@BruceForce: *shows buyers around my home*

This is where I do all my crying but you can cry anywhere really

@BruceForce: What idiot called it a pharmacy and not a "coughy shop"

@BruceForce: Sorry I yelled "...just killed a man" when your baby called "Mama..."

@BruceForce: *spreads rose petals on the bed*

[Death metal voice] "INTERCOURSE!"

@BruceForce: Haha, murder? No officer, I just wanted to see what would happen if I planted a human

@BruceForce: Hate it when a mum automatically assumes their baby is hungry when they cry. Maybe they're crying for a stable economy. YOU DON'T KNOW!

@BruceForce: How to pick up a girl in a club:

1. Stare at her
2. Walk up to her
3. Shout stuff

@BruceForce: Where on LinkedIn do I add my current gang memberships

@BruceForce: Some dude told me he's had 100 times more girls than me which made me laugh so much because 100 x 0 is still 0.