@BubblesnBooze

Marriage, when you drink as much as possible before your husband gets home so you can just drink 1 glass of wine in front of him.

@BubblesnBooze

Hubs: You’re home all day, why isn’t the house clean?

Me: You’re at work all day, why aren’t we rich?

Hubs: Touché

@BubblesnBooze

Him: How would you describe yourself?

Me: Face of an angel, body of a marshmallow and the mouth of a sailor.

@BubblesnBooze

Am I perfect? No.
Am I trying to be a better person? Definitely not.

@BubblesnBooze

I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you’ll never know.

@BubblesnBooze

My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.

@BubblesnBooze

It’s funny how your tweets are funnier now that I know you’re hot.

-everyone on Twitter

@BubblesnBooze

Anyone who says time flies, has obviously never been on a treadmill.