If you ever Google “Grandfather Clock”, be careful how you spell that shit.
I wish mirrors and cameras would get together and figure out what I really look like.
Try saying “good luck” without sounding sarcastic. Good luck.
Sharks would be a lot less scary if they had ears.
Hey Paul Ryan, why don’t you save some first names for the rest of us.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
Hugs not drugs. Except, yes drugs and why are you touching me?