@Burnam1

My grandmother’s secret ingredient?

Cigarette ashes

@Burnam1

Them: “I hate to be a…”

Me: “Then don’t.”

@Burnam1

Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party

@Burnam1

Paranormal activity camera 3:33am…

Only catches me eating a chicken leg while doing the robot in my underwear.