@C00LpenNAME

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”

Obituary: died of Malaria, Small Pox, Polio, & the flu

@C00LpenNAME

Why are we wasting time on all these “beware of dog” signs?

I’ve never met a cat that wasn’t obviously plotting to kill somebody…

@C00LpenNAME

*Ghost Jail

Ghost 1: What’re you in for?
Ghost 2: Posession
Ghost 1: Nice

@C00LpenNAME

They say your home is your castle.

But the second you build a dungeon in the basement someone inevitably calls the cops

@C00LpenNAME

Just found out my old gym is a 5 Guys now

Renewed my membership this morning

@C00LpenNAME

I totally just realized that Dora the Explorer and Vlad the Impaler have the same middle name