Getting fat sucks
Just not as much as vegetables
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
Obituary: died of Malaria, Small Pox, Polio, & the flu
Why are we wasting time on all these “beware of dog” signs?
I’ve never met a cat that wasn’t obviously plotting to kill somebody…
Ghost 1: What’re you in for?
Ghost 2: Posession
Ghost 1: Nice
They say your home is your castle.
But the second you build a dungeon in the basement someone inevitably calls the cops
Just found out my old gym is a 5 Guys now
Renewed my membership this morning
I totally just realized that Dora the Explorer and Vlad the Impaler have the same middle name