I’m just here to make bad decisions, not explain them
The amount of things I charge in the evening is why I’ll be the first to go in next apocalypse
I hope google does well on my son’s test
I’m so thrilled hockey is starting I could nap
I’m gonna tell the kids my diet dessert bars are full of broccoli so they won’t eat them
M: I’m gonna go relax
H: ok I’m gonna clean out a closet and come ask you questions until you offer to help
I just want to tell everyone how I feel about you!
Ma’am I just need you to sign for these packages.
Just saw a ‘Jesus 2020’ sign and I had no idea he was running
I still haven’t used my new mace, this apocalypse is bullshit!
If anyone is missing a cup it’s probably in my daughter’s room