“You clean up nicely”, is just a polite way of saying, “You usually look like shit.”
Nice try government. But I’m not taking you back until I know where you’ve been for the last two weeks.
What’s the downside of house arrest?
I just saw 125 spf sunblock. Maybe going outside isn’t for everyone.
Twitter Clique: (n) a small exclusive group of friends who promise to tell each other they are funny.
Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means “Doing the Facebook”. Her daily posts are much more entertaining now.
“Love means never having to say your sorry.”
– someone who is very single
So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?
I want to hold you till the end of time, or until I have to pee.
Breaking: Fox News reports Obama is no longer a suspect.