“Is that a banana in your pocket or you just happy to see me?”
*Pulls out smart car
Everybody shoots Cupid with an arrow.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult.
So yeah….kids are stupid.
People who say they “Like to have fun”…
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
I hope I get a good grade on my kids science project this year.
*Works out on rowing machine
*Breaks rowing machine
*Doesn’t know own strength
*Buys Doritos to celebrate
*Can’t open bag
I’m at my most brilliant when the door says “pull” and I don’t believe it.
*Sees thing on floor
*Vacuums over said thing
*Vacuum cant pick it up
*Picks up thing
*Looks at it
*Puts it back on the floor to vacuum