@CantWaitToNap: My daughter was pretty pissed that someone called the cops, ending her party.
Whatever, I needed some sleep.
@CantWaitToNap: OMG, shoot him with a crossbow one time and he never shuts up about it.
It wasn’t even fatal.
@CantWaitToNap: I’m not saying I got lost, but a search party did find me on the wrong mountain.
@CantWaitToNap: *Looks up from phone.
“When did you get home?”
Husband: “I’ve been talking to you for the last 15 minutes.”
@CantWaitToNap: Keep the mystery alive and continue to surprise your partner by using chloroform to induce disorientation.