I only order the essentials from Amazon.
*Opens new HD Special Ops Vision Glasses*
It’s Saturday and over 10 boxes just got delivered.
It’s like Amazon wants me to get a divorce.
I only buy the essentials on Amazon.
*Opens new Night Vision Goggle Kit*
Husband: “I heard that sex is a great way to relieve the stress of Coronavirus.”
Me: “I heard that the Coronavirus will likely cause a spike in divorce rates.”
Husband: “I read that divorce rates will increase because of pandemic.
Do you …
Me: “Yes, I want a divorce.”
Husband: …think it’s true.”
My husband says that he just wants me to be happy.
Then he gets all mad and kicks my boyfriend out of our house.
I only buy stuff I need on Amazon.
*Opens new metal detector*
Standing naked in front of the mirrors trying to figure out which one makes me look thinner.
Home Depot manager: “If you don’t leave now, I’m calling the police.”
Me: “I have COVID-19.”
What my husband heard: “We should have sex.”
Seductively rubs salt in your wound.