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@CantWaitToNap : My kids want a second dog for me to feed, walk and clean up after for Christmas.
@CantWaitToNap: Husband confiscated my credit card last week. The news just said that Amazon stock is down.
THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT.
@CantWaitToNap: *Googles “exercise apps for lazy people”*
*Downloads five apps*
That should do it for today.
@CantWaitToNap: Cop: *Hands me ticket
“I’ll see you in court.”
Me: *Seductively winks
“Sure is a lot of trouble just to see me again.”
@CantWaitToNap: “Are you insane? Did you escape from a mental institution?” he flirted.
@CantWaitToNap: “Catch me if you can, officer.”
*screams as police dog takes me down.
@CantWaitToNap: I’d totally bang him, but how awkward would the job interview be after that?
@CantWaitToNap: Hey boy, are you an Amazon wish list?
Because I want you so bad, but will forget about you when I sign out.
@CantWaitToNap: “I smell like candy,” I mouthed to the hot guy in traffic that caught me smelling my shirt.
@CantWaitToNap: Oh, the other kind of staff meeting.