Funny Tweeter

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Page of CantWaitToNap's best tweets

@CantWaitToNap : *Bites lower lip*

"So this is an abduction then?"

Cop: "Stop that. You're under arrest."

@CantWaitToNap: Oh my God. You try to run him over one time, and he never lets you forget it.

@CantWaitToNap: I hate crumbs, so I eat my snacks in bed on his side.

@CantWaitToNap: *Flings your voodoo doll out into the snow*

You cold, bro?

@CantWaitToNap: My kids want a second dog for me to feed, walk and clean up after for Christmas.

@CantWaitToNap: Husband confiscated my credit card last week. The news just said that Amazon stock is down.


@CantWaitToNap: *Googles “exercise apps for lazy people”*

*Downloads five apps*

That should do it for today.

@CantWaitToNap: Cop: *Hands me ticket
“I’ll see you in court.”

Me: *Seductively winks
“Sure is a lot of trouble just to see me again.”

Cop: ...

@CantWaitToNap: “Are you insane? Did you escape from a mental institution?” he flirted.

@CantWaitToNap: “Catch me if you can, officer.”
*Seductively winks.

*screams as police dog takes me down.