@CantWaitToNap

It finally happened.

After living here 11 years, my neighbors finally caught me outside and introduced themselves.

@CantWaitToNap

Seriously, calm down. I backed into you by accident.

Him: You hit me three times!

@CantWaitToNap

[Watching the news]

This is all wrong, villains are supposed to be fictional characters.

@CantWaitToNap

Nothing says “I’ve been going through your shit” like “why do you delete your browser history?”

@CantWaitToNap

Thanks for doing that thing that makes me feel like an idiot.

~Me to me

@CantWaitToNap

“Baby, you know I’m drunk.”

Cop: “I need you step out of the vehicle.”

@CantWaitToNap

I don’t know why they are staring. Ignore them.

*Holds drink up to your voodoo doll’s mouth*