Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@CantWaitToNap : I’d totally bang him, but how awkward would the job interview be after that?
@CantWaitToNap: Hey boy, are you an Amazon wish list?
Because I want you so bad, but will forget about you when I sign out.
@CantWaitToNap: “I smell like candy,” I mouthed to the hot guy in traffic that caught me smelling my shirt.
@CantWaitToNap: Oh, the other kind of staff meeting.
@CantWaitToNap: *Seductively stripping out of clothes.
Gynecologist: Please stop that.
@CantWaitToNap: The house is clean, just don’t open any drawers or doors.
@CantWaitToNap: Allegedly naked and not afraid to dance in front of a large crowd.
Unrelated: Ambien is not candy.
@CantWaitToNap: When a cop asks you to exit your vehicle, it’s not so he can take a selfie with you.
I know this now.
@CantWaitToNap: Husband: “Why do you ALWAYS have to be on your phone?”
Me: “Sounds good, I’m starving.”
@CantWaitToNap: Spielberg's movie "Catch Me If You Can” but it’s just me making up jobs I have so I don’t need to volunteer at school.