@CaptainJerkwad: Hate being a funeral director
"why'd u take the job?"
I inherited it from my dad
"You could've just declined it"
And lose my first customer?
@CaptainJerkwad: Went to a restaurant. The sign said "breakfast anytime." So I ordered French toast during the renaissance
@CaptainJerkwad: "Where does it hurt?" the doctor asked.
"Right Ear" replied the Englishman, pointing to his broken ankle.