Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@CarpentersCrack : Ron on Facebook says he hopes to be stuck on a dessert island, so naturally I commented "that sounds delicious".
@CarpentersCrack: I like to stop drinking somewhere between "watch this" and "ohhhhhh shit".
@CarpentersCrack: I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is ok when their mouth is full.
@CarpentersCrack: Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol.
@CarpentersCrack: I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
@CarpentersCrack: Most guys that think they know everything about women usually lack one thing.... A woman.