Hey remember that snarky insult you threw my way three weeks ago? Well now I have comeback so please repeat it.
I would make an awesome panda because I too excel at looking adorable while doing nothing.
Please continue finishing your text in the crosswalk, Mr. Pedestrian. It’s not like I’m driving a giant metal instrument of death.
I was just outsmarted by a revolving door but sure, I’ll be your baby’s godmother.
Be warned, person who set of a whole bunch of fireworks at 4 am–you’ve made a minimally powerful enemy.
I’m dressing for the weather I desperately want, not the weather I currently have.
Should I ever go missing, please don’t let the news use my 7th grade picture.
How come when someone says “we need to talk” it’s never about ice cream or Star Wars?
The adult life I imagined as a child involved less laundry and more group dance numbers.
Being an adult is like watching a foreign movie with no subtitles in a crowded theater, everyone else knows what’s going on and you just nod