Husband called & asked what I was cooking for dinner then we laughed and laughed and then he said seriously what do you need at liquor store
I asked my kids today if they felt we spent enough time together and they both texted back that we did so I guess we are all good.
Her: You know when you’re craving a cheeseburger but you order a salad instead…
Me: (wiping ketchup off my face with my sleeve) No.
My heart says cheese dip but my jeans say for the love of god woman eat some celery.
90% of the steps on my FiBit are just me wandering around looking for my keys
Was in the hot tub a full 3 minutes before I noticed the floating chipmunk so probably don’t ask me questions about a crime scene
*takes earrings out*
*takes bracelet off*
*slips out of shoes*
*tears off jeans, shirt, bra*
Ok Doc you can weigh me now
This guy’s shirt said ‘blink if you want me’ and now my eyes are watering and I need to close them but ohmygod you guys I DO NOT WANT HIM