@CeruleanGates

Boss pissed me off at work today

Might microwave a tuna sandwich and leave early

@CeruleanGates

Dentist: So when was the last time you flossed?

Him: Dude you were there

@CeruleanGates

Many many moons ago:

Teacher: Well 75% of you passed math exams and will not have to go to summer school this year

Me from the back: “YEAH BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER 45% OF US”

@CeruleanGates

The bad news is, I accidentally took the wrong medications this morning

The good news: Guess who is now protected from fleas and heartworms for the next 3 months?