@CheetoBandito77

I stepped on the scale today.

Not to get my weight. I just couldn’t reach the cookies in the cupboard.

@CheetoBandito77

*turns on shower*

*gets undressed*

*checks TL real quick*

*floods the entire neighborhood*

@CheetoBandito77

This lady cashier asked me if I wanted it “double bagged”…I said “No, you’re not THAT ugly…”

And that’s why I’m not allowed in Target.

@CheetoBandito77

Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill.