@ChipKellysBalls

To celebrate Boxing Day on Friday, I had a five minute training montage and beat the shit out of the biggest Russian I could find …

@ChipKellysBalls

Find a penny
Pick it up
& all the day
You’ll have significantly raised chances of contracting a bacterial infection …

@ChipKellysBalls

I’m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all …

@ChipKellysBalls

Jehovah’s Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts & started selling cookies …

@ChipKellysBalls

Sylvester Stallone is looking more and more like G.I Joe doll put in a microwave on high for twenty minutes

@ChipKellysBalls

What exactly do you have to plant to grow a seedless watermelon? Just water?

@ChipKellysBalls

Why is it the the people who drink the most Red Bull are the people who seem to have the least going on?

@ChipKellysBalls

House is a mess … Walked in the other day and there were 2 people on the couch blindfolded and filming a Fabreeze commercial