Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@ChrisScarlette : *bride and groom kiss*
minister: wow im like right here
@ChrisScarlette: [being robbed]
Me: careful.. I'm ARMED
*whips out bible
*pulls gun out of bible
*pulls smaller bible out of gun
@ChrisScarlette: *i put two straws in my drink*
gf: awhh :)
me: hell ya double barrel
*i use both straws*
@ChrisScarlette: We now return to 'CANADIAN SNIPER'
*canadian sniper shoots an enemy*
*canadian sniper yells 'sorry' from far away*
@ChrisScarlette: [pizza delivery]
Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip*
uh HELL YEAH!
*pulls out phone*
see that RT button?
@ChrisScarlette: May I pay you handsomely, good sir?
-Why yes you may.
*pulls out Ryan Gosling*
@ChrisScarlette: "just great, I've lost my house my wife is leaving and my kids hate me how can this day get any worse"
-A dinosaur, 66 million years ago
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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