Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of ChrisScarlette's best tweets

@ChrisScarlette : *bride and groom kiss*

minister: wow im like right here

@ChrisScarlette: [being robbed]

Me: careful.. I'm ARMED

*whips out bible

Robber: lol

*pulls gun out of bible

R: oh

*pulls smaller bible out of gun

@ChrisScarlette: *i put two straws in my drink*

gf: awhh :)

me: hell ya double barrel

*i use both straws*

@ChrisScarlette: We now return to 'CANADIAN SNIPER'

*canadian sniper shoots an enemy*

*canadian sniper yells 'sorry' from far away*

@ChrisScarlette: [pizza delivery]

Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip*


*pulls out phone*

see that RT button?

@ChrisScarlette: May I pay you handsomely, good sir?

-Why yes you may.

*opens wallet*

*pulls out Ryan Gosling*

@ChrisScarlette: "just great, I've lost my house my wife is leaving and my kids hate me how can this day get any worse"

-A dinosaur, 66 million years ago