If the people in your car don’t match the stick figures on your rear window, I’ll report your vehicle stolen.
You know you’re drunk when the cat barks.
Cause of Death: Dropped full can of soda on baby toe.
45 min phone call w/8yo nephew:
Aunt Cassy, there are 206 bones in the human body!Want me to name them?1.Cranium 2.Mandible 3.Scapula…
My closet should be on Hoarders. Fell in looking for second shoe. 45 minutes later I had to cut my left arm off with a plastic hanger.
I wish my cat would squirt me with the water bottle when I go to eat junk food.