Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of clichedout's best tweets

@clichedout : ME: I trained my cat to talk

HER: let's see

ME: abbreviate Maine

CAT: me-

ME: what I say when I'm hurt

CAT: -ow

HER: this sucks

ME: just wait

CAT: we're just getting started Linda

@clichedout: me: [offering joint] wanna hit

giraffe:

me: nvm ur already high lol

[later]

scientist: we've never seen a giraffe eat a human before

@clichedout: genie: what's your 3rd wish

me: i wish u had amnesia

genie: what's your 1st wish

@clichedout: nurse: height

me: 6'4"

nurse: weight

me:

nurse:

me:

nurse:

me:

nurse:

me:

nurse:

me:

nurse:

me: wait for what

@clichedout: HER: I'm leaving u

ME: is it bc of my irrational paranoia

HER: yes

ME:

HER:

ME: did the dog put you up to this

@clichedout: her: I love guys who know what they want

me: I want $100,000

her: but stay humble

me: I'll never have $100,000

@clichedout: SOCIETY: if it's sent by car let's call it a shipment

ME: what if it's sent by ship

SOCIETY: we'll call that cargo

@clichedout: WAITER: you can choose between 5 potato options and a salad

ME: [leaning in] the 5 potato options please

@clichedout: robbed a bank just to hear someone call me a person of interest

@clichedout: HER: I love classic rock

ME: [trying to impress] I've been to the Grand Canyon