@clichedout
me: we have a problem
her: what
me: we got invited to a coldplay concert
her: i love coldplay
me: we have 2 problems
@clichedout
@clichedout
her: i love bad boys
me: [trying to impress] my mom has no idea where i am
@clichedout
fed ex guy: here’s ur package
me: thx
fed ex guy: sign
me: [blushing] scorpio
@clichedout
me: i need an appointment for tomorrow
receptionist: how about 9
me: no i only need one
@clichedout
her: why are u breaking up with me
me: *changing PowerPoint slides* I’ll take questions at the end Jen
@clichedout
CNN: do u want notifications for breaking news
Me: for really important stuff i guess
CNN: an Iowa woman just ate 37 McRibs
Me: i said impor-
CNN: using chopsticks
Me: she did what
@clichedout
me: how much for the dog bouquet
girl walking dogs: what
@clichedout
COP: where were u between 1 and 2
ME: in a diaper
COP: i mean 1 and 2 at night
ME: sleeping in my crib?? idk
@clichedout
me: here’s your glass of ice, ma’am
girl: i asked for water
me: patience, Linda
@clichedout
her: are u excited for the next Star Wars
me: [sweating] did we win the last one