@clichedout: me: i'll have a steak

waiter: sir this is a vegan restaurant

me: oh

waiter:

me: ok i'll have a vegan

@clichedout: me: i won employee of the month

her: ur self-employed

me:

her:

me: i also got demoted

@clichedout: [creating my Tinder profile]

Are u seeking:
men [ ]
women [x]

Select one:
18-29 [ ]
30-39 [ ]
40-49 [x]
50+ [ ]

me: who needs 50 girlfriends lol

@clichedout: nurse: height

me: 6'4"

nurse: weight

me:

nurse:

me:

nurse:

me:

nurse:

me:

nurse:

me:

nurse:

me: wait for what

@clichedout: interviewer: questions about the job?

me: how can I get suspended with pay

@clichedout: HER: I can't be with a guy who thinks he's Optimus Prime

ME: I can change Becky

HER: promise?

ME: into a semi truck

@clichedout: her: *texts something funny*

me: *types hahahahaha*

*stares at it*

*deletes one ha*

@clichedout: her: wanna come over

me: can't I'm at an office party

her: ur self-employed

me: and having a great time

@clichedout: HER: I love the movie The Shining

ME: [trying to impress] same

HER: what's ur favorite part

ME: [sweating] when it starts to shine