@clichedout my grandpa: i used to take 50 cents to the store & come back with a new pair of shoes but u can’t do that today
me: inflation, right?
my grandpa: security cameras
@clichedout 
@clichedout ME: I trained my cat to talk
HER: let’s see
ME: abbreviate Maine
CAT: me-
ME: what I say when I’m hurt
CAT: -ow
HER: this sucks
ME: just wait
CAT: we’re just getting started Linda
@clichedout me: [offering joint] wanna hit
giraffe:
me: nvm ur already high lol
[later]
scientist: we’ve never seen a giraffe eat a human before
@clichedout genie: what’s your 3rd wish
me: i wish u had amnesia
genie: what’s your 1st wish
@clichedout nurse: height
me: 6’4″
nurse: weight
me:
nurse:
me:
nurse:
me:
nurse:
me:
nurse:
me:
nurse:
me: wait for what
@clichedout HER: I’m leaving u
ME: is it bc of my irrational paranoia
HER: yes
ME:
HER:
ME: did the dog put you up to this
@clichedout her: I love guys who know what they want
me: I want $100,000
her: but stay humble
me: I’ll never have $100,000
@clichedout SOCIETY: if it’s sent by car let’s call it a shipment
ME: what if it’s sent by ship
SOCIETY: we’ll call that cargo
@clichedout WAITER: you can choose between 5 potato options and a salad
ME: [leaning in] the 5 potato options please
@clichedout robbed a bank just to hear someone call me a person of interest