I’m glad school taught me the Pythagorean theorem instead of how to do my taxes. It came in really handy this Pythagorean theorem season. 🇺🇸
I do 8 sit-ups every mornin’. Might not sound like much, but there’s only so many times you can hit the snooze button. Merica.
Hey ladies, No Shave November ain’t for you. Just saw some gal lookin’ like she was tryin’ to smuggle a cactus in her yoga pants. Merica.
If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It’s science.
We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica.
Leave it to the idiot hippys to adopt a “holiday” on Hitler’s Birthday. Merica.
Camo is proper for any occasion. It’s good for drinkin’ beers, huntin’ deers and scarin’ queers. Merica.