I was a pizza delivery guy once, but only for a day. They gave me 12 pizzas to deliver and I just never came back.
Don’t say “ATM machine”. The “M” already stands for “machine”.
It’s redundant. It’s like saying “end result” or “racist Fox News Anchor”.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device in Florida.
I call it “No air conditioning”.
I don’t know the lyrics to any of Pitbull’s songs, but in my defense, I’m not really convinced he does either.
You think God hates crosses?
If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I’d be pissed.
I just walked through a spiderweb and invented the next Macarena.
This guy says he rides a bike 20 miles a day, and then runs 5 miles a day too.
Yo bro, you gotta get a car.