@ColoradoUgly

Black Friday Shopping Tips:
1. You don’t need anything
2. You can’t afford anything
3. You’ll just be in the way

@ColoradoUgly

This is the one week you can throw a charred corpse in the garbage without people asking a lot of questions.

@ColoradoUgly

How do I explain to this bank teller than I’m just robbing her and not the bank?

@ColoradoUgly

I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very very real.

@ColoradoUgly

If someone gives you a gift and you didn’t get them one, hand it back to them politely and say, “I don’t want this shit.”.