If you Google “How do I stop receiving Pottery Barn catalogs?” the top result is a page with instructions for faking your own death.
Having an authentic Thanksgiving celebration this year. I’m giving my family smallpox.
Dear trick-or-treaters: Would it kill you to say “thank you” when I hand you a freshly made egg salad sandwich?
My wife hasn’t touched me since the election. She took Gore’s loss pretty hard.
I heard the iPhone 15 won’t have any ports or jacks or a screen and it will just be a smooth steel ball and finally we’ll all be happy.
I’m trying to convince my Seattle in-laws the new travel ban means we can’t visit them this summer.
This summer, camp counselors all over the country will shine flashlights under their chins and read the headlines.
My two favorite things about Easter morning are (1) hiding the eggs and (2) the looks on my kids’ faces when the snakes start to hatch.
I hate it when adults try to relate to youth using slang. Guess that’s what makes me a woke bae.
According to the 25th Amendment, if the President is incapacitated, the Vice President becomes the executive producer of “The Apprentice.”