BUZZFEED: Is Internet Clickbait Dumbing Down Society?
Lick your fingers & stick them in a power socket to learn the shocking answer.
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What’s the issue officer?
Officer: You have no idea why I pulled you over?
I have some ideas, but would like to hear your opinion first.
I want this so bad
Me thinking: focus on what she’s saying, focus on what she’s saying, focus on what’s she’s saying…
My wife: …so what do you think?
Me: wait… what?
Optimus Prime’s mom walking in on him while he’s carjacking
[commercial for soup]
Have you ever wanted to eat regular food only with water poured all over it?
NARRATOR: SOUP
I Can’t Wait to Retire, so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.
Damn girl are you the sun because you need to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me.
Did you file your cat correctly today?..📂🐈📂😅
When you stub your toe but there are kids around.
Not to split hairs, but I called you “haughty,” not “hottie.”
Signs you’re a man:
*has a massive heart attack* It’s nothing, really. I’m fine.
*catches a cold* Gather ‘round children. My time is drawing nigh.
HER: I love how we always finish each other’s
HIM:
HER:
HIM:
HER: Marriages
The squirrels are quiet today. Too quiet.
Teach a man to fish and he will evolve to become so skilled at it that he destroys the ocean and kills every last fish. Nice one education.
I never related to movies as a kid. Like in Home Alone when Kevin says to his Mother “I am upstairs you dummy” I couldn’t understand how he was still alive after that.
Bootstraps
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Better to have loved & lost than to have never loved at all; but if going spelunking was your idea, you should at least *try* to find her.
Wild horses could easily drag me away.
In fact, a pair of determined guinea pigs could probably give me a run for my money.
[Dollar Store Interview]
“What are your qualifications?”[Slides over a dollar]
“Cashier job is yours”[Slides $2]
“Welcome to Management”
In hell, everything you have Googled in your lifetime will scroll across a jumbotron.
me: I think there may have been a mixup at the hospital. this isn’t my baby
him: mom I’m 35 years old
OMG this view is amazing!!!
– me opening the lid on the pizza box
guy finding a big puddle of blood in a horror movie: (touches it and looks at his fingers) it’s blood
Humans: Okay, so
Dog Negotiator: Yes
Humans: Uh
Dog Negotiator: Absolutely. We’ll do it
Humans: I haven’t even
Dog Negotiator: I love you
*loses faith in humanity*
“this is the type of problem that can only be solved by 13 photos of unlikely animal friendships”
I don’t flex at the gym…but I will air dry to the Macarena to buy myself some space in the men’s locker room.
[me complaining about how many apps on my phone are purple] like I really gotta look before I press it ya know
[guy 911 told me to keep talking to till the paramedics arrive] definitely annoying
While you’re thinking what to wear, I’m thinking how to take it off.
Whoa 😂