I was feeling great about myself when I saw my number on the womens bathroom wall ‘for a good time’.
Then I recognized my hand writing.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck.
My wife still came home.
Superstitions are stupid.
I saw this lady vogueing alone so I felt bad and started dancing with her. Anyone know sign language for ‘Im sorry’?
All I want from a woman is for her to hold my hand, look into my eyes, and tell me it’s ok to get out of her bushes.
Maybe I’m just drunk, but this toilet looks alot like my neighbors car.
Walking out the door, my daughter tells me she can’t wait to see Ariel with the crabs.
Now I’m questioning which section I bought that DVD.
We decided to go out for bbq tonight.
As it turns out, I’m too immature to discuss how to smoke your meat with strangers.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life
Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs
Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Daughter yells “I love bananas, the bigger the better”.
Wife and I laugh hysterically,
Then I die a little inside.