@CoopSoSarc: Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
@CoopSoSarc: I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck.
My wife still came home.
Superstitions are stupid.
@CoopSoSarc: I saw this lady vogueing alone so I felt bad and started dancing with her. Anyone know sign language for 'Im sorry'?
@CoopSoSarc: All I want from a woman is for her to hold my hand, look into my eyes, and tell me it's ok to get out of her bushes.
@CoopSoSarc: Walking out the door, my daughter tells me she can't wait to see Ariel with the crabs.
Now I'm questioning which section I bought that DVD.
@CoopSoSarc: We decided to go out for bbq tonight.
As it turns out, I'm too immature to discuss how to smoke your meat with strangers.
@CoopSoSarc: Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life
Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs
Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
@CoopSoSarc: Daughter yells "I love bananas, the bigger the better".
Wife and I laugh hysterically,
Then I die a little inside.