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Page of CoopSoSarc's best tweets

@CoopSoSarc : I was feeling great about myself when I saw my number on the womens bathroom wall 'for a good time'.

Then I recognized my hand writing.

@CoopSoSarc: Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.

@CoopSoSarc: I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck.

My wife still came home.

Superstitions are stupid.

@CoopSoSarc: I saw this lady vogueing alone so I felt bad and started dancing with her. Anyone know sign language for 'Im sorry'?

@CoopSoSarc: All I want from a woman is for her to hold my hand, look into my eyes, and tell me it's ok to get out of her bushes.

@CoopSoSarc: Maybe I'm just drunk, but this toilet looks alot like my neighbors car.

@CoopSoSarc: Walking out the door, my daughter tells me she can't wait to see Ariel with the crabs.

Now I'm questioning which section I bought that DVD.

@CoopSoSarc: We decided to go out for bbq tonight.

As it turns out, I'm too immature to discuss how to smoke your meat with strangers.

@CoopSoSarc: Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life

Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs

Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago

@CoopSoSarc: Daughter yells "I love bananas, the bigger the better".

Wife and I laugh hysterically,

Then I die a little inside.