@CrackYouWhip

Just saw a fat woman lick icing off of her sleeve so that is the last time I eat in front of a mirror.

@CrackYouWhip

Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2017, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.

@CrackYouWhip

My workout schedule:

1. Run half mile
2. 10 reps of 5 lb. hand weights
3. 35 year break
4. Protein shake
5. Repeat

@CrackYouWhip

I tried to make a smoothie for lunch. Apparently, three frozen pizzas will break a juicer.