@cravin4: My wife does this cute thing now & then where she goes out shopping for next years yard sale items.
@cravin4: Things I dipped in Nutella this weekend:
@cravin4: My wife asked if I wanted to go to a pig roast this summer but I've been fat shamed enough already this year.
@cravin4: [Attorney's office]
*checked box for cremation*
*signed last will and testament*
Guess I just made an ash out of myself.
Wife: *rolls eyes*
Did he also sign the DNR?
@cravin4: Autocorrect got me in trouble again when I invited the neighbors over for a friendly game of Go Fist.
@cravin4: Little known fact:
If you eat a Tide POD™ you will poop out the secret of how to fold a fitted sheet.
@cravin4: Soccer moms drinking from sports bottles. You're not fooling anyone, we know you have wine in there and you should share.