@CrockettForReal

My super innocent daughter talked me into playing Luigi’s Mansion and the goal is to vacuum up ghosts. So I’m giving it my all and she yells at me “yes dad suck that guy!” I’m dead, y’all

@CrockettForReal

My kids asked me how to spell desert and dessert so I told them to type it both ways and see what emojis pop up

@CrockettForReal

Do you think swordfish are down there just jousting each other with their face all day or what

@CrockettForReal

My son has a shirt that says, “my dad can beat up your dad,” and honestly I don’t like the pressure

@CrockettForReal

My daughter just got off the bus and had to walk up the driveway in the rain. I can’t wait to tell her all about when I was in school and the hills in the snow even in summertime both ways twice

@CrockettForReal

Overheard someone telling someone else about their twins birthday coming up and the one asked how old they’d be, I shit you not she said “7 and 9”

@CrockettForReal

When I was a kid my mom didn’t really stop me for doing dangerous things she would just repeat over and over “if you’re going to be dumb, you have to be tough.” I think about this as an old man often while doing dumb things

@CrockettForReal

When I was a kid I used to yell at my grandma for drinking and driving and she was like “it’s Diet Coke” and I was like “but the tv said!” So what I’m saying is, kids really don’t know shit