@CrockettForReal

Never trust anyone who says “let me be Frank” no, what is your real name?

@CrockettForReal

Anyone who has ever said “I’m just going to let these dishes soak” has no intention of doing those dishes

@CrockettForReal

I will out-dad you simply by placing more burgers on my grill than yours. How many burgers is that? I have 27

@CrockettForReal

Hypnotist: [crying in a corner] why aren’t you getting sleepy!?

3 year old: I’m thirsty

@CrockettForReal

Shaggy and the gang are out there trying to discredit demons all while hanging out with a talking dog. My dudes, that IS a demon

@CrockettForReal

I just had to run my daughter a second bath because the first, and I quote, had a hair in it

@CrockettForReal

If I’ve learned anything from children it’s that, no matter what, if you have two socks, you have a pair of socks