Hank is one in a melon.
Every time my phone rings tomorrow I’m going to answer it with “911, what’s your emergency?”
I am *this* close to adopting a bunch of cats and opening a bed & breakfast called HairBnB.
If I was invited to a gender reveal party I’d bring deviled eggs and sammiches for the fire fighters.
I accidentally bought the “Extra Long Super Pads with Wings” this month and I think that’s why I have dry eyes.
I don’t go to Starbucks very often. It’s intimidating. I never know how to order. Last time I ended up with a cup of hot dog water.
I *just* got the angel food cake in the oven. It took forever to peel all those angels.
I locked myself out of my office twice already today. I guess Mercury definitely in rubbermaid.
Okay I’m getting out of bed to go check my lottery tickets. If you don’t hear back, the money changed me.
I just took the Christmas tree down. Gonna dye Easter eggs this afternoon.
My annual evaluation was today at work.
I’ll be riding this “exceeds expectations” high for weeks.
I paid a mime good money for a box and now I can’t find it.
Since I got my iPhone eleventeen last week I have taken about 47 screenshots of my Home Screen just trying to turn the gd thing off.
I had three cabbage rolls before bed. No need for an alarm clock.
*splashes water on my face*
*looks up, squinting into the mirror in front of me*
My socks are now soaked. They don’t mention that in the
Neutrogena commercials.