@CruisinSoozan

While I was out walking the dog, I noticed a neighbour waving at me through their living room window. How nice!
So I waved back rather enthusiastically.
She was washing her window.

@CruisinSoozan

I went from “easy peasy lemon squeezy” to “messy distressy lemon zesty” in ten years.

@CruisinSoozan

I just ate a piece of carrot cake the size of my head. I feel so healthy.

@CruisinSoozan

Boss: You should have been here at 7.
Me: Ohhhhhhh! What happened at 7?

@CruisinSoozan

Less than two weeks until Canadian Thanksgiving.
Better start marinating the beaver.

@CruisinSoozan

I startled a mom and her kids in the Back To School aisle today at work.
I came around the corner and yelled SUPPLIES!

@CruisinSoozan

If you can’t say something nice, say something mortifying and kinky.

@CruisinSoozan

I got banged so hard today I’m still walking funny.
Sure it was my head vs the door of my vehicle but I’m still counting it.