Every time I’m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
I haven’t been laid in so long that the Pope is laughing at me.
All is fair in drunk and war.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
I live 30 feet from my mother-in-law, Hell holds no surprises.
Calm down white moms on dish detergent commercials, no wife is EVER that excited about dishes. Ever.
“This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall.”
-Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Every time someone says, “at least it’s a dry heat,” I want to stab them with a box cutter.
*at least it’s a short knife.
About delete my Facebook account, I hope Stacey and Heather from the 3rd grade can handle the rejection.