@Cryptic1iam

Maybe Canadians are nicer because they live closer to Santa.

@Cryptic1iam

People say, “All the good ones are taken.”
Which is absolutely true.
I’m single.

@Cryptic1iam

Me *whispers*: I need your mouth on me
Him: Yeah? Where?
M *fingers traveling down: Here
H: WTF is THAT?!
M: Snakebite. Stop wasting time

@Cryptic1iam

Female dragonflies will fake their own death if faced w/ unwanted attention from a male dragonfly.

You can learn so much from nature

@Cryptic1iam

Me: I’ve read the Bible cover to cover

Her: Yeah? Prove it.

M: How?

H: What is the first sentence in it?

M: “Do not remove from motel”

@Cryptic1iam

This is an ugly term. This “Stalker”. I prefer unpaid investigator.