Why is it called being a virgin?
Why not a Get-no-sexual?
The secret to looking younger is telling people that you are older
Maybe Canadians are nicer because they live closer to Santa.
People say, “All the good ones are taken.”
Which is absolutely true.
Me *whispers*: I need your mouth on me
Him: Yeah? Where?
M *fingers traveling down: Here
H: WTF is THAT?!
M: Snakebite. Stop wasting time
Female dragonflies will fake their own death if faced w/ unwanted attention from a male dragonfly.
You can learn so much from nature
Why are they called condoms and not woody hoodies?
Me: I’ve read the Bible cover to cover
Her: Yeah? Prove it.
H: What is the first sentence in it?
M: “Do not remove from motel”
This is an ugly term. This “Stalker”. I prefer unpaid investigator.