@CulturedRuffian

Me: Donuts can cure a brain tumor.

Friend: But you don’t have a brain tumor…

Me: [ taking a bite of a donut ]

…EXACTLY.

@CulturedRuffian

Americans 1776: We’re going to fight for Revolution!

Americans 1939: We’re going to fight for world peace!

Americans 2020: We’re going to fight for toilet paper!

@CulturedRuffian

Dang girl are you a New Year’s Resolution? cuz I’d never keep you, I just made you up & you really never actually existed in the first place

@CulturedRuffian

STATUS UPDATE: Helping my coworkers look for the last leftover donut I ate in the conference room this afternoon.

@CulturedRuffian

That awkward moment you tell someone they need to take their Halloween profile picture down and they never put one up.

@CulturedRuffian

If you were ever wondering what that last doughnut is doing while it listens to you eat its siblings…

@CulturedRuffian

I’ve never been #BackToTheFuture , but my mom always used to promise me she’d knock me into next week if I didn’t behave.

@CulturedRuffian

CORONA VIRUS TIP:
If you have a donut in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face or shake hands.

@CulturedRuffian

Boss: Working at home is the same as working on location. Our technology will alert us if your computer screen goes into sleep mode, so don’t get distracted from your job.

[ working from home ]

Me: