Me: Donuts can cure a brain tumor.
Friend: But you don’t have a brain tumor…
Me: [ taking a bite of a donut ]
Americans 1776: We’re going to fight for Revolution!
Americans 1939: We’re going to fight for world peace!
Americans 2020: We’re going to fight for toilet paper!
Dang girl are you a New Year’s Resolution? cuz I’d never keep you, I just made you up & you really never actually existed in the first place
STATUS UPDATE: Helping my coworkers look for the last leftover donut I ate in the conference room this afternoon.
Instead of voter fraud, why don’t they just call it Electile Dysfunction?
That awkward moment you tell someone they need to take their Halloween profile picture down and they never put one up.
If you were ever wondering what that last doughnut is doing while it listens to you eat its siblings…
I’ve never been #BackToTheFuture , but my mom always used to promise me she’d knock me into next week if I didn’t behave.
CORONA VIRUS TIP:
If you have a donut in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face or shake hands.
Boss: Working at home is the same as working on location. Our technology will alert us if your computer screen goes into sleep mode, so don’t get distracted from your job.
[ working from home ]