If I ever had an out-of-body experience I would at least insist upon an upgrade upon my return.
Old men’s pants creep higher & higher up their waist into their armpits.
At the end of their lives they’re just a pair of pants with a head.
My brother never donates blood because he hates the thought that his blood is having more fun in somebody else than it ever did in him.
We now live in an age where we rely on technology for even mundane tasks.
Think about it.
Some of you likely need GPS to find your backyard.
Bad News: One of the side effects of your medication is death.
Good News: Death pretty much cures anything.
There are some people who when they hit rock bottom, they refuse to just lie there…
They just pick up a shovel and started digging.
Good News: You mean the world to me.
Bad News: The world is pretty lousy right now.
If every day is a gift, I’d have to say today was a Fruitcake from Last Year Day.
Recycled, disappointing and held together by booze.
Y’know the trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music does.
“Be careful when you follow the Masses.
Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent.”