@DadandBuried: If I ask "Where's the remote?" & you say "Next to the TV," you get a punch in the throat becuz THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF WHY WE HAVE A REMOTE.
@DadandBuried: Went to the doctor for my lower back pain and he diagnosed me with being 42.
@DadandBuried: I was playing outside with my kids and I tried to jump over something because I forgot I’m 40 anyways who wants to sign my cast?
@DadandBuried: As my kid gets older he goes to bed later, which means he hangs out longer, which means *I* have to stay up later to get my alone time, which means by the time he’s 13, I’ll be going to bed at sunrise.
@DadandBuried: My toddler keeps running over and yelling “BOO!” in my face.
It’s totally unnecessary, though. I’ve been completely terrified of him since the day he was born.
@DadandBuried: Sometimes I purposefully dress my toddler in mismatched pajamas just to make my wife’s head explode.
@DadandBuried: My son started school today. I'm excited to meet all the new illnesses he'll be bringing home this fall.
@DadandBuried: Sometimes my kids are so cute it hurts my heart just to look at them.
Other times they’re awake.