@DaddyJew: My son just looked at his best friend of 5 years and said "hey you" because he temporarily forgot his name and I've never felt closer to him.
@DaddyJew: The fact that there ain't no rest for the wicked is probably why I'm always so tired
@DaddyJew: How to organize Legos in 3 easy steps:
1. Throw Legos away
2. Tell kids you were robbed
3. Fix yourself a drink. You've earned it.
@DaddyJew: *throws $100 worth of coins in the wishing well* I wish I was better with money
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how competitive are you?
Me: not very
Interviewer: neither am I
Me: nice...but I'm less competitive