Funny Tweeter

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Page of DaddyJew's best tweets

@DaddyJew : Interviewer: why should we hire you?

Me: so I can pay my rent

@DaddyJew: Daddy, how'd you get that scar?

*flashback to me tripping & falling while running from the police after a night of drunken debauchery*

War

@DaddyJew: Cashier: how would you like to pay?

Me: with my good looks if possible

Cashier:

Me:

Cashier:

Me: credit

@DaddyJew: Doctor: have you been drinking?

Me: no, your honor

@DaddyJew: [pokes your baby with a stick]
what's it do?

@DaddyJew: *something breaks

Me: hand me my tools

7: call someone for help

Me: no

7 already on the phone: mom, he's trying to fix stuff again

@DaddyJew: Well well well if it isn't the guy whose lawn I woke up on

@DaddyJew: Me: i'll have a Dr.Pepper

Waiter: is Mr.Pibb ok?

Me: is he a doctor?

@DaddyJew: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA THINK YOUR FRIEND IS REALLY CUTE

@DaddyJew: Me: I'll have some cold water

Clerk: sorry all we have is warm water

Me: yall got ice?

Clerk: yea

Me:

Clerk:

Me: I have a crazy idea