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@DaddyJew : Interviewer: why should we hire you?
Me: so I can pay my rent
@DaddyJew: Daddy, how'd you get that scar?
*flashback to me tripping & falling while running from the police after a night of drunken debauchery*
@DaddyJew: Cashier: how would you like to pay?
Me: with my good looks if possible
@DaddyJew: Doctor: have you been drinking?
Me: no, your honor
@DaddyJew: [pokes your baby with a stick]
what's it do?
@DaddyJew: *something breaks
Me: hand me my tools
7: call someone for help
7 already on the phone: mom, he's trying to fix stuff again
@DaddyJew: Well well well if it isn't the guy whose lawn I woke up on
@DaddyJew: Me: i'll have a Dr.Pepper
Waiter: is Mr.Pibb ok?
Me: is he a doctor?
@DaddyJew: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA THINK YOUR FRIEND IS REALLY CUTE
@DaddyJew: Me: I'll have some cold water
Clerk: sorry all we have is warm water
Me: yall got ice?
Me: I have a crazy idea