As my friend confessed, “My teenage daughter never even talks to me,” I struggled to conceal my jealousy.
I fear all this talk of llamas & dresses has distracted us from the important fact that there is video of Madonna falling off a stage.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Just getting romantic with the wife when our slow cooker set off our smoke alarm so yes, I was crock blocked.
“WAIT!” I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added “TUBE” so yeah, God exists.
Pretty sure I know what my wife’s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, “A 3-way?” she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
Based on their level of excitement, bros in beer commercials seem unaware that you can pretty much buy beer anywhere.
The most romantic restaurant in the world is not as dimly lit as the operating room on a TV medical drama.
My kids are always accusing me of having a “favorite child” which is ridiculous because I don’t really like any of them.