On a recent tour of my son’s college, the guide walked us up 5 flights of steep stairs because she didn’t think the 4 of us should share an elevator. I’m pretty sure the extreme shortness of breath my husband and I had, at the top, confirmed her concern for protecting our heath.
Motherhood is the perfect combination of heart swelling pride and “I didn’t sign up for this.”
My 22 yr old was listening to Baby Shark yesterday and the song is still stuck in my head. So I get it, moms of toddlers, I really doo doo, doo doo doo doo.
I forgot the term “stylist” so I said “exterior decorator.”
The pandemic has made it nearly impossible for me to get piggyback rides from strangers, so I’m really over it.
[dog catches me bringing a box of fireworks in the house]
Me: Oh hey buddy, this isn’t what it looks like, okay.
If your spouse’s loud chewing bothers you, imagine how much it tortures the poor begging dog.
Bandanas are back in style, it only took a worldwide pandemic.
Husband: What is today?
Me: I’m in no mood for your riddles today.
I hope this makes it on true crime TV.