My daughter says people on Facebook are warning to not post about your hairdresser if they make a house call because they’ll lose their license. I imagine vigilante beauticians using the cover of night to sneak out and fight dead ends and gray roots using their capes as…capes.
Me: Scout’s honor.
Minister: You’re supposed to say “I do.”
I was told that I could have anything as long as I applied myself, but the loan officer at my bank begs to differ.
Hoping for an even stronger cup of coffee, I just replaced the water in my coffee maker with coffee. Now we wait.
My son’s doing a report on the Cold War and asking what ended it. “I’ve got that answer right here,” I say. *starts Rocky IV dvd*
I went to a gender reveal for a litter of puppies and it went: good girl, good boy, good boy, good girl, good girl, good boy.
My new puppy is training and gets treats for doing well. My older dog gets treats as well, for, you know…supervising.
My husband told me I’d better stock up on my wine in case we get quarantined. Maybe he really does still care about me.
Why is it called a phobia-induced breakdown and not tears for fears?
Vogue- strike a pose
Sleep- strike a doze
Leave- strike a goes
Firefight- strike a hose
Win The Bachelor- strike a final rose
Pitch in MLB- strike the pros
Blizzard- strike a froze
Assault- strike a nose