Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Darlainky's best tweets

@Darlainky : *smuggles cake (containing saw) into escape room*

@Darlainky: I forgot the term “gait” so I said the horse had a nice swagger.

@Darlainky: *asks Zumba instructor to sign my pizza permission slip*

@Darlainky: I’m not saying my kids undermine my authority, mainly because they’ve not given me permission to.

@Darlainky: Me: Look to my left.

Friend: We’re facing the same way. Why don’t you say our left?

Me: I don’t like to share.

@Darlainky: My house fluctuates between smelling like a freshly baked cake or a tropical island vacation because aromatherapy provides what I cannot.

@Darlainky: *finds another dead plant on patio*

[shaking fist to sky] I can’t be the only one watering things around here!

@Darlainky: I confused the words “tinker” and “tinkle” and my neighbor no longer wants help with her computer.

@Darlainky: My son is sick. His symptoms include; fever, headache, and no desire to play XBox. In other words...it's very serious.