I got paprika once in 2002 to make deviled eggs and apparently I bought a lifetime supply.
*hands envelope to Santa*
I trust you’ll remember this donation to your toy factory when you’re deciding which list I belong on.
Now that I’m in charge of Santa’s milk and cookies, it’s payback time for that Barbie townhouse I never got.
My friends are fully aware that our designated meeting times are rough estimates.
What wine pairs best with concession stand popcorn? Asking for the thermos I’m taking to this high school football game.
Of course I trust you, the hidden cameras were to capture possible paranormal activities.
You undercook one turkey, and suddenly Thanksgiving can’t be at your house anymore.
-me giving holiday hosting advice
*picking up coins off the dance floor*
I knew I should have emptied my fanny pack before twerking.
“It’s important to remember Snitches get stitches”, I whisper to my 5 year old nephew as my sister asks who drank all of her wine.
Winter can cause potentially deadly situations like icy roads, hypothermia, and the much feared man cold.