@Darlainky

I got paprika once in 2002 to make deviled eggs and apparently I bought a lifetime supply.

@Darlainky

*hands envelope to Santa*
I trust you’ll remember this donation to your toy factory when you’re deciding which list I belong on.

@Darlainky

Now that I’m in charge of Santa’s milk and cookies, it’s payback time for that Barbie townhouse I never got.

@Darlainky

My friends are fully aware that our designated meeting times are rough estimates.

@Darlainky

What wine pairs best with concession stand popcorn? Asking for the thermos I’m taking to this high school football game.

@Darlainky

Of course I trust you, the hidden cameras were to capture possible paranormal activities.

@Darlainky

You undercook one turkey, and suddenly Thanksgiving can’t be at your house anymore.

-me giving holiday hosting advice

@Darlainky

*picking up coins off the dance floor*

I knew I should have emptied my fanny pack before twerking.

@Darlainky

“It’s important to remember Snitches get stitches”, I whisper to my 5 year old nephew as my sister asks who drank all of her wine.

@Darlainky

Winter can cause potentially deadly situations like icy roads, hypothermia, and the much feared man cold.